Mistakes

We all make mistakes.  No one is perfect.  I am not different.  I have made many mistakes growing up.  When I was 18yrso I was stuck at home, no car, no driver's license, and no way to get to a job if I could get one.  I was stuck.  At least I felt that way.  Desperate people do desperate things.  I married one of my brother's friends.  Not because I loved him, I think I just wanted out of my parent's house.  I realized what a mistake I had made, and tried to have it anulled.(sp?)  One month later I again was single, and still stuck.  
I did not learn from that, sadly.  I married again in June of that same year to a man I had met only 2mos prior.  But, it seemed like this would work out.  He made me laugh.  I soon had my first child, a boy I named Joshua.  I was so in love with that baby boy!  My husband had a pretty good job and things seemed to be going well.  My new baby was only 3mos old when I found out that I was once again expecting!  What a shock to me!  I had a baby girl I named Amanda.  Here I was 20yrs old with 2 infants still in diapers.  My husband had been married before and had a daughter from that first marriage.  He was ordered to pay child support.  He quit his job to get out of paying the child support.  (that should have been my first warning)  His ex was an alcoholic and did drugs, so he told me he felt that paying her was enabling her to continue to do the drugs. (he actually just didn't want to pay)
This marriage lasted 6yrs.  He never took care of us financially, and often left us for days at a time.
Of course after the divorce, he never paid the child support and had pretty much abandoned our children.  I was devastated.  I went into christian counseling even.  Would I ever be happy? 
I know this is probably boring you to death, and I am airing all my past with you.  But, it is freeing for me to do so.   I will finish this in an additional post.